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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088976">Katie's (TomHollandSpidey88) Poems</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyn_Writes/pseuds/Cyn_Writes'>Cyn_Writes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>nothing - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Poems, all of my poems, teehee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:01:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyn_Writes/pseuds/Cyn_Writes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All of mypoems in one place. </p><p>TW: ANXIETY, PANIC ATTACKS, VERBLE ABUSE, DEPRESSION, ADD, BIPOLAR</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>4th of july</p><p>Bang!</p><p>I can do this</p><p>Bang! </p><p>It's hard to breathe</p><p>Bang! </p><p>My dog is whining</p><p>Bang! </p><p>Tears are falling down my face</p><p>Bang! </p><p>Lets go look</p><p>Bang! </p><p>Run back and curl into a ball</p><p>Bang!</p><p>Everything is so loud</p><p>Bang! </p><p>Cover my head and ears</p><p>Bang! Bang!</p><p>Write a poem to calm down</p><p>Bang bang bang! </p><p>My shoulders tense</p><p>Bang!</p><p>Another night of not sleeping due to this.</p><p>Bang bang!</p><p>Get up to stress eat</p><p>BOOM!</p><p>Start crying</p><p>Pop!</p><p>Run back to calming music</p><p>Boom!</p><p>Close my eyes</p><p>Bang pop bang boom!</p><p>Slow my breathing</p><p>Bang pop!</p><p>Eyes fly open and muscles tense</p><p>BOOM! </p><p>Will this night ever end?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Attack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I'm sitting outside, the night peacefully and quiet,<br/>When it happens.<br/>I run inside to cry for a bit<br/>but I go back so I'm not rude<br/>so I sit there and cry <br/>because I cant go inside <br/>I always cry <br/>but I'm never allowed to escape<br/>I always cry<br/>because the attacks never stop.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. another anxiety attack one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s happening. <br/>I know it. <br/>It’s so warm.<br/>Everyone is so close.<br/>Everyone is shouting.<br/>“Be quiet, please!” <br/>Now they’re mad.<br/>My hand hurts from how hard I’m squeezing it.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>I can’t leave.<br/>It’ll be rude.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>It’s so loud.<br/>My ears hurt.<br/>It’s so warm.<br/>I can leave?<br/>Thank God.<br/>I’m in my room.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>Tapping might work!<br/>Not really.<br/>I can’t breathe!<br/>Why won’t anyone listen to me?<br/>Let me speak!<br/>I can’t breathe!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Life Is Funny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Life is funny in some ways.<br/>	Some people thrive, while the others die.<br/>	The enemies are themselves, the goal is unknown.<br/>The thing is, no one survives.<br/>So what is the point?<br/>Is everyone out to get you?<br/>Why are you always distracted?<br/>Life sometimes seems meaningless. <br/>While other times, it’s the best.</p><p>They say there’s a name for this.<br/>ADD, Anxiety, Depresion, but that's not all.<br/>The greatest challenge is their new discovery:<br/>You’re bipolar. <br/>They give you medicine.<br/>Six pills a day.<br/>But a deadly rash might come.<br/>Forgetting the pills could lead to tears.<br/>And no matter how many pills you get, you won’t get friends.<br/>No. <br/>See, everybody hates you.<br/>They mock you, they strangle you,<br/>And their words are worse than punches. <br/>Which is why you find yourself staring at the walls. <br/>Counting all the ways you could get the madness of life to Stop.<br/>But you find an outlet. Someone you want to be.<br/>But the people at school mock you for that too.<br/>Your sister does too. </p><p>After a long, hard day, you have to go home.<br/>To the one you should trust, but never can.<br/>“Oh this bruise? I bumped myself. Why is it the size of a hand?”<br/>You laugh off the bruises, long at the shows.<br/>Sisters that are best friends.<br/>What a dream.</p><p>Then back to school.<br/>The strange looks you get.<br/>Everybody judging you.<br/>For being yourself.</p><p>“Why are you gay?”<br/>“Why don’t you like humans?” <br/>“Why do you like animals?” <br/>Look in the mirror and you can see the answer<br/>“You look like a man.”<br/>“You're so obsessed.”<br/>Are we friends or are we not? <br/>Are you mean or nice?</p><p>I annoy you? I’m mean? <br/>And you aren’t?<br/>I wish. </p><p>Day after day, you have one thing to look forward to.<br/>Going home.<br/>Not to your cruel sister, not to your parents. <br/>But to your dog. The one true source to help with anxiety.<br/>A therapy dog, in fact. <br/>One of the very few reasons you're still alive.<br/>But you can’t take her to school, the reason of this.<br/>The dreaded pills, the tears, everything.<br/>You have to suffer through everything without anyone to hold you.<br/>“You’ll be fine.” They’d say.<br/>What a lie.</p><p>But one day I'm getting out of here.<br/>One way or another.<br/>And I’ll be successful. <br/>When you watch movies or see a musical, you’ll see me.<br/>Alive and well, unlike now.<br/>Middle school.<br/>How do I get out?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Costume Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Look in the mirror. Look at its lies.<br/>I’m supposed to believe that the one I see is me?<br/>The giddy face, the laughs and smiles.<br/>Acting like I’m stupid. Acting like I’m fine<br/>How the hell is that supposed to be me?</p><p>The masks on my face, just another way to hide. <br/>Three different masks, all for me.<br/>The outfits I wear, the filthy fabric. <br/>Trying to make me feel like I belong.<br/>They feel like me, but they are also not.</p><p>Being an actor means I have characters.<br/>But chances are, none of them are me. <br/>“Act like yourself!” <br/>Okay, but who am I?</p><p>Just a costume party.<br/>That’s all life is.<br/>An insane, messed up, twisted costume party.<br/>Where everyone acts fine<br/>But I’ll be damned if more than one is</p><p>A character in the play called life.<br/>We all get killed off but we still have to suffer<br/>For once I hate the cast list.<br/>But we don’t get a choice.</p><p>“Mess with me, I’ll mess you up.”<br/>But you're messed up as well.<br/>An endless game of torture.<br/>The sunsets, you do too.<br/>But what happens to you?<br/>Eternity, never-ending.<br/>Heaven, hell.<br/>Whatever you want. <br/>It never ends. </p><p>But don’t you worry, don’t give a damn.<br/>Because it’s just a costume party.<br/>Come up with a character or two.<br/>Make sure they’re hurt.<br/>Lots of flaws.<br/>One everybody hates. <br/>But that's all it is<br/>A messed up costume party.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Peace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The agony. <br/>The feeling of each cell being ripped apart.<br/>The fear. <br/>The sound of bullets piercing the air.<br/>The way that life tears everyone apart.<br/>But not to worry.<br/>Because you aren’t near the war.<br/>But like hell, it's peace.<br/>Being asked to write about peace,<br/>It’s like being asked to write about unicorns.<br/>You can imagine, but it’s not real.<br/>Because peace cannot be reached until everyone has peace.<br/>And that has never happened. <br/>Politics are never peaceful.<br/>Wars will never end.<br/>Bullying most of all will always prevent peace.<br/>So I would write about peace,<br/>But it is impossible as I never can.<br/>Because, peace, you see, has never been a thing.<br/>Even if everyone had a home, food,<br/>And there was no war, <br/>There still won’t be peace. <br/>Because what about the wars inside your head?<br/>Bullies will continue to exist,<br/>There will always be sadness, anger, and stress. <br/>Because peace is only a thing you see in fairytales. <br/>And peace, if it ever exists,<br/>Won’t be here for a long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My breath starts out by flowing through me.<br/>I notice the crowd.<br/>My chest is tight.<br/>It’s so loud.<br/>My lungs can’t work.<br/>People are shouting. <br/>My sight narrows.<br/>I can’t breathe.<br/>Hyperventilation.<br/>Walk through the halls.<br/>My stomach hurts.<br/>Sing to myself.<br/>People look at me weirdly. <br/>If only the knew what was inside my head.<br/>Into the classroom.<br/>I still don’t feel normal.<br/>The teacher starts yelling.<br/>It starts again. <br/>The end of the day.<br/>I go through my night.<br/>I go to bed.<br/>My chest loosens.<br/>I wake up in the morning. <br/>I can breathe again.<br/> I get to school.<br/> It starts all over.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Here We Go Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I feel the tightness.<br/>The air being sucked out of my lungs.<br/>The hands of darkness pulling at me,<br/>Even though I am in the sun.<br/>Hyperventilating,<br/>My leg is shaking.<br/>I force my eyes close to try to stop.</p><p>No. This has to stop.<br/>A tear starts to roll down my face.<br/>I can’t cry in public.</p><p>Another knot forms in my shoulder.<br/>Another nail bitten away.<br/>I run my fingers through my hair, <br/>Some strands being pulled away.</p><p>It’s grabbing me!<br/>It’s pulling me!<br/>The darkness doesn’t stop.<br/>A tight knot forms in my stomach. <br/>A pain in the center of my brain.<br/>A headache so extreme, it’s enough to drive one mad.</p><p>I glance at the clock.<br/>I blink my eyes.<br/>How long has it been?<br/>One minute.</p><p>Only one minute for the darkness to close in.<br/>Only one minute for a headache and a stomachache to form.<br/>One minute and a nail is gone.<br/>One minute and my hair is gone.<br/>So little time, so many tears.</p><p>But don’t worry,<br/>I’m used to this.<br/>While you call it a panic attack,<br/>I call it a Tuesday.</p><p>That’s what it feels like to live with anxiety.<br/>Deal with an attack 12 times a day.<br/>Having no breath over nothing at all.<br/>Feeling the symptoms and thinking,<br/>“Here we go again.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. This Is Who I Am</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW HOMOPHOBIA</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That hushed feeling of being alone,<br/>That icy blue loneliness.<br/>The feelings that overwhelm you<br/>When you realize you’re different.</p><p>That shimmering person you used to be<br/>Where are they?<br/>Where have you gone?</p><p>“Should I come out?<br/>Is this just a phase?”<br/>You ask yourself<br/>Pleading, it’s not true</p><p>The magical community<br/>Of those like you<br/>LGBTQ is great<br/>But why does it have to be you?</p><p>Will you be accepted?<br/>Will that hissing hatred skip you?<br/>That starving hope you have<br/>That you aren’t alone</p><p>It seems really easy <br/>All you have to say is<br/>“Hey Mom and Dad. I’m…”</p><p>But what will happen afterword<br/>What about those deplorable stories<br/>Where the headlines scream,<br/>“Teenager kills herself after parents kick her out for being gay” </p><p>Will that happen to you? <br/>The incessant tick-tock of the clock<br/>Reminding you that you have limited time</p><p>What will happen next?<br/>Will your friendships fade?<br/>Why do you have to be this way?</p><p>The homophobes <br/>Strutting through the halls snapping<br/>“Thats gay” <br/>Is a constant reminder that being gay<br/>Is not okay</p><p>But it is<br/>You can’t change that<br/>You were born this way<br/>But how come it's weirder<br/>To be gay?</p><p>They don’t know what it's like<br/>Having to go home each day<br/>With your parents asking you what happened that day<br/> What are you supposed to say?<br/>“Oh, it was good. More people making fun of people like me in the LGBTQ community!”</p><p>But what could happen?<br/>What would they say?<br/>“Oh, that's ok. Just ignore them! Wait. What did you say?”</p><p>And off it goes<br/>Like a horrific explosion<br/>“Get out of my house!”<br/>They would bellow<br/>Screaming off your ears</p><p>But the only way<br/>To get rid of the stabbing pain<br/>Is by saying<br/>“Hey, Mom and Dad! I’m…”</p><p>But you can’t<br/>Or can you?<br/>So you race home with that rainbow flag <br/>In the back of your mind <br/>You enter the house and take a breathe<br/>The door seeming to slam behind you<br/>You see their faces<br/>They’re upset<br/>Maybe another day</p><p>But how many more days do you have?</p><p>So you blurt it out<br/>Darn your loud mouth,<br/>“Hey, Mom and Dad! This is who I am!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW DEPRESSION SUICIDE</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Do you ever feel tired?<br/>Not physically where your muscles are sore.<br/>But mentally.<br/>When you have a headache that won’t leave no matter what you do. <br/>When your eyes are so heavy but you can’t sleep.<br/>When you just want to stop.<br/>Not stop living,<br/>But just get a break.<br/>Stop fighting to be respected.<br/>Stop fighting with people.<br/>Stop trying to do everything right out of the fear of what happens if you do something wrong.<br/>Stop trying to get people to like you. <br/>Stop trying to live up to their expectations. <br/>Stop dealing with rude people.<br/>Stop dealing with hate. <br/>Just get a day off. <br/>Just one break. <br/>A day of bliss.<br/>A day with no stress.<br/>That’s all I’m asking.<br/>That’s not that hard.<br/>Is it? </p><p>Stop writing poems just to feel better. <br/>Stop attempting to put your feelings into words when you don’t even know what you’re feeling.<br/>Stop hoping to save somebody when you can’t even save yourself. <br/>Stop wanting to scream but not have the courage to do it.<br/>Stop wanting to cry but your eyes are always dry.<br/>Stop picturing yourself as this horrible person and love yourself for once. <br/>Just a break. <br/>Just a bit of hope.<br/>Just a light at the end of this tunnel of darkness.<br/>But the light stays off.</p><p>I just want to stop.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. I love the way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My first love poem about my crush</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So you think that I like girls,<br/>Well I guess that is true.<br/>But I also like men too,<br/>But most of all,<br/>I like you.</p><p>I love the way you make me smile,<br/>I love the way you make me laugh,<br/>And I can’t help to steal glances at you when we’re in class,<br/>But I guess it’s only fair,<br/>Because you stole something too,<br/>You stole my heart all those years ago,<br/>Back when we were 2.</p><p>But love is confusing,<br/>Love is stupid,<br/>I hate the way I lose my breath when I’m with you<br/>But it’s also amazing,<br/>It’s incredible too,<br/>The way I can’t stop thinking about you.</p><p>I love how tall you are,<br/>The way you tease me about being short.<br/>I love the way you don’t give a damn about what people say about me,<br/>Because you know it isn’t true,</p><p>I love the way I blush when somebody brings you up,<br/>I love the way you laugh at stupid stuff,<br/>And the way you care.</p><p>But love is confusing,<br/>Love is stupid,<br/>I hate the way I can’t describe what I love about you,<br/>But it’s also amazing,<br/>It’s incredible too,<br/>The way I can’t stop thinking about you.</p><p>I love how you tell me how you really feel,<br/>When people make fun of you,<br/>I love the way our friendship is kind of a secret,<br/>I love that you don’t get bored with me,<br/>Even after all these years,<br/>The way that the darkness disappears when I’m with you.</p><p>But love is confusing,<br/>Love is stupid,<br/>I hate the way I feel, <br/>Just so helpless.<br/>But it’s also amazing,<br/>It’s incredible too,<br/>The way I can’t stop thinking about you.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. At Least That's What I've Been Told</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is really bad &gt;.&lt;<br/>Class starts in 3 minutes! I just got a lunch break. <br/>I do like virtual learning, though. I get to be with my dog. But my back hurts.<br/>I think the last chapter was my best poem :) It makes me smile reading it. And you know it relates to you somehow.<br/>Neways...</p><p>PLEASE COMMENT</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Routines are good.<br/>At least that’s what I’ve been told.<br/>But they’re boring.<br/>Every day the same thing.<br/>Wake up,<br/>Work,<br/>Sleep. <br/>Every.<br/>Single.<br/>Day.<br/>But I want to do something exciting.<br/>I want to live a little. <br/>Get out in the world.<br/>But I can’t.<br/>I shouldn’t.<br/>Because routines are good.<br/>At least that’s what I’ve been told.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. One Blink</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's really bad &gt;.&lt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One blink.<br/>One second goes by.<br/>One moment of bliss.<br/>One little tiny moment leaving the world.<br/>One fast blink.<br/>One might miss the blink.<br/>One might notice.<br/>One might enjoy.<br/>One blink.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Next Minute</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another bad one.<br/>It's about my panic attack today.<br/>I have trauma from being strangled on the bus so fml</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One minute I’m here. <br/>The next I’m there.<br/>One minute I’m at my desk.<br/>The next he’s standing in front of me.<br/>One minute I’m safe.<br/>The next minute I’m not.<br/>One minute I can breathe.<br/>The next I can’t.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. I'm Sorry.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW SUICIDE</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't worry I'm not suicidal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’m sorry<br/>I’m sorry I’m not good enough.<br/>I’m sorry I can’t take it.<br/>I’m sorry that it was all too much.<br/>I’m sorry that I’m gone.<br/>I’m sorry that I’m so messed up.<br/>I’m sorry that you won’t miss me.<br/>I’m sorry that it’s over.<br/>I’m sorry I can’t reverse time.<br/>I’m sorry that it’s all gone.<br/>I’m sorry that I’m broken.<br/>I’m sorry that I put you through this.<br/>I’m sorry that you got me.<br/>I’m sorry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is about RBG and her passing. The news came out 21 minutes ago. And I'm terrified. But she didn't go down without a fight and neither will I and neither should you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fear.<br/>I’ve never felt it like this.<br/>I’ve never been so scared.<br/>Scared for my life.<br/>Scared for my family.<br/>Scared for others.<br/>Scared for this country.<br/>Because of one death, <br/>This world will go to hell.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Trumpy Wumpy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yes, I'm a democrat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trumpy Wumpy loves his wall<br/>Trumpy Wumpy had a great fall<br/>All of his doctors and all of his friends<br/>Didn't want Trump to get better again</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Night Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It always happens at night<br/>Not a specific time<br/>Just night</p><p>Night is when my wrists start hurting<br/>Night is when I have to hold myself back from grabbing that needle that I can't seem to put away<br/>Night is when my head hurts from all the thoughts running through my head<br/>Night is when I just want to die<br/>Night is when I curl into a ball and let my tears surround me in hopes they will cover my arms with something instead of blood<br/>Night is when I don't have the nerve to say a word even though I'm screaming inside my head\</p><p>Night is when my sister yells that I'm just pretending to be quirky<br/>Night is when my access to people goes away<br/>Night is when I lay awake<br/>Night is when I plan to starve myself the next day even though I know I'll just overeat</p><p>Night is when the darkness consumes me<br/>And the morning is when it slips away<br/>Like nothing happened<br/>And everything is fine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Gone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's a really cool shape to this poem that ao3 wont let me add  :(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trust.<br/>
A noun.<br/>
Something I don't have.<br/>
Because I can't.</p><p>Trust is a simple thing.<br/>
It makes this world make sense.<br/>
So why isn't it real for me?</p><p>Everyone I trust.<br/>
Lie.<br/>
And lie.<br/>
And lie.</p><p> </p><p>Happiness.<br/>
A noun.<br/>
Another thing I don't have.<br/>
Because I can't.</p><p>Happiness is a simple thing.<br/>
And yet every time I find it,<br/>
It di s   s    a     p       p        e          a            r                 s
</p><p> </p><p>Hope.<br/>
A noun.<br/>
One more thing I don't have.<br/>
Because I can't.</p><p>It fails me.<br/>
It's out of reach.<br/>
It's ridiculous.<br/>
It's l<br/>
o<br/>
s<br/>
t</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Only Growing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I think there will always be marks on my arm.<br/>The lines never seem to fade.<br/>Only<br/>     grow</p><p>They'll be here forever.<br/>And I try to stop, I swear.<br/>But I can't. <br/>The pain<br/>Only<br/>     Grows</p><p>It's unending.<br/>I want to scream but I can't.<br/>Screaming will cause somebody to come help.<br/>And I like it.<br/>I like it when it<br/>Only<br/>      Grows</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. The Reason Why</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW depression<br/>This is to my mom who just found out i still sh</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You didn't notice then,<br/>So you don't get to notice now.<br/>When I told you, you yelled,<br/>That is the reason why.</p><p>You say you're hurt,<br/>But I hurt more.<br/>When you ignore my screams,<br/>That is the reason why.</p><p>I've looked death in the eyes,<br/>And I've survived.<br/>When I say no you ask why,<br/>That is the reason why.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. The Needle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW SH</p><p>Not my best</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I hate it,<br/>But I love it.</p><p>I cry, <br/>But I smile.</p><p>I'm in pain,<br/>But the result is pleasure.</p><p>It burns,<br/>But it's sweet.</p><p>It's new,<br/>And it's familiar.</p><p>And that's what I feel,<br/>When I hold the needle</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Why Won't It Stop?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this isn't that good its just kinda my emotions jumbled into words ya know</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I've never been this tired.</p><p>I keep fighting.<br/>I keep losing</p><p>I can't stop crying.<br/>It won't stop.<br/>Nothing stops.<br/>The pain doesn't stop.<br/>The battles.<br/>It won't stop.<br/>It keeps going<br/>                   going<br/>                         going<br/>                             going<br/>                                going<br/>Why won't it stop?<br/>Just shut up!<br/>It's so loud.<br/>It's so bright. <br/>I can't.<br/>I can't keep doing this.<br/>S T O P</p>
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